I was flipping thru the two free newspapers in Tampa Bay, Creative Loafing and TBT, and I saw a shitload of ads for Pain Killers. (Off topic Edit 1 - my career is advertsing so I unknowingly read, absorb and pick apart designs, font usage, if images are blurry etc.. aka OCD type shit)

Now around my way Oxy, Roxys (generics) are big sellers on the street. People doctor-shop, jump from doctor to doctor with lame stories of pain to get them and sell for more on the street. But what if you did need your own supply. (Edit 2 - I don't use pills... ) Now with weed being decriminalized for medicinal purposes in some states. I'm pretty sure you can do the same thing the pill-poppers in Florida do, if you lived in Cali.

What I need to know is can I see a doctor in Cali, or another weed-friendly state... and get a script. Shieeeeet flying to Cali is cheaper than Amsterdam, they already nicknamed Oakland, Oaksterdam.

1. Local weekly newspaper / Or the daily freebies C.L. or TBT
2. Shady-ass Physicians
3. Qualifying illness or a good story

• Step 1 - Open the newspaper and look through the classified ads to find a physician who writes medical marijuana or pain pill prescriptions.
• Step 2 - Make an appointment with a physician.
• Step 3 - Describe your symptoms/illness. Conditions which, by law, can be treated with medical marijuana include AIDS (Edit 3 - never, ever tell anyone you have AIDS) , cancer, chronic pain, anorexia, glaucoma, and arthritis. If you don't suffer from any of these conditions, tell your physician that you sometimes get painful migraines and the only thing that works to alleviate your pain is marijuana.
• Step 4 - If your physician doesn't write you a prescription, repeat the process with a different doctor.
• Step 5 - WIN!

I don't condone doing anything illegal. You aren't breaking any laws, if its for personal use. If you don't need either of this stuff... just bump this Plies and Keri track. It's about another type of medicine.

If you are going to go out and make a purchase of something, it is always good to know as much about it as possible beforehand. That's why you research your car before you buy it or read reviews about products before you purchase them. It is part of being a smart consumer. Buying weed is no different. If you don't know the ground rules of buying good weed and how to spot good or bad weed when you see it, it is going to be a problem for you in the long run. Smart dealers can tell a newbie buyer from a mile away so you will get hit with the "this is superchronicotilite weed" and really it is just some bullshit with a fancy, made up name.

Now to be fair, if you are trying to be economically sound and you would rather have quantity (more bad weed) over quality (less good weed) then be my guest but it is still important to be able to identify good/bad weed when you see it. Here are 12 tips on figuring out whether your weed purchase was a good one or not.

1. Look for lots of crystals. The more the better. If you can look at your weed closely and see lots of crystals in it, it's a safe bet that you are going to be pretty high soon.

2. Shouldn't be too dry. Good weed is not going to be dry or feel like it's been sitting out in the sun for too long. If there is no stickiness or it just crumbles as you break it up, that is probably not a good sign. If it looks like this, you bought some bad shit.schwag

3. Lots of sticks and seeds is never a good sign. A few here and there are to be expected but if you have an excessive amount of sticks and seeds, that is a PROBLEM. Not only for the fact of you having to sort through all them but the fact that you know that the quality of the weed you just purchased isn't the best.

4. It should be green. Certain other colors are acceptable too but mainly it should be green. You can also find good weed they has hints of purple, orange or red and you can usually bet that it is going to be pretty good. Brown weed is NOT an acceptable color.

5. Potency of the smell is a key to figuring out quality. Dank weed smells just like the word says, dank. Sometimes it will be so strong that you can smell it through the bag. Next time you have some weed, take some time to smell it and figure out what exactly good weed smells like. It is hard to describe but if you have bad weed it will usually have a very faint or no smell. Not good.

6. Shouldn't be too wet. Just like dry weed, if your weed is soggy that is not good. Even if its dank it will affect the way it breaks up and you don't want that, especially in these hard recessionary times. We need to stretch the weed as far as we possibly can.

7. Really leafy weed is not a good. Usually if you get sold weed that happens to be really leafy, that means that it is just a lot of fluff. It usually won't break down well or be able to really be stretched out at all.
8. Look for hairs. Those little hairs on the end of your weed are like gold. If there are a lot of them then that is gonna be some great weed.

9. Avoid bullshit dealers. I can't emphasize how important it is to have dealers you can trust. If you have a guy that consistently has good stuff, hold on to him as long as you possibly can (not literally). Check out this guide on the traits of good dealers if you don't know one when you see one.

10. It should feel sticky when you break it up. There is a reason why rappers always brag about having that "sticky icky icky." Stickier weed that is harder to break up will always get you way higher than that weed that just crumbles as you break it up. Ack. Can't stand that.

11. Sometimes there is no way to tell until you smoke it. It's a sad truth but sometimes you will never know whether or not the weed is good until smoke it. I have had weed that I thought was going to be magnificent based on all the tests above and it turned out to be horrible. On the other hand I've had weed that I smoked, expecting for it to have little or no strong affect and it turned out to be GRRRRREAT!!! Sometimes that's just the way it goes.

12. Experience counts for a lot. The reality is there are going to be times that you buy weed that sucks and times that you buy great weed. The more and more you buy it, the better you will become at figuring out what is what. Be patient, pay attention to what you buy and if you are a new weed buyer don't make it obvious or else you will get taken advantage of.